To Not Hurt is To Not Be Human

Dear friends,

I hesitated posting this publicly, but I need an army surrounding me now. And I don’t want hate or lies to win. I also don’t want the person who was the impetus behind this post to know that his words hurt–not because they were truth spoken in love–but because he could not be further from the truth.

But hateful things will not win. It is always my goal to bring light to darkness, so here I am, asking for your prayers.

In the last few days, I have been really down as I realized we would be just a couple months away from meeting our baby … I would be 7 months pregnant if we didn’t have the miscarriage back in April.

Now, these thoughts come and go and I know I can feel the sadness and the joy of her life and the other myriad of emotions and I talk to Tim and friends about them and it’s okay.

And it’s okay to not be okay.

Last night, after feeling this sadness consistently for a few days, I got a random comment from a stranger on my site essentially telling me the miscarriage was God punishing me for the mistakes of my past, and the consequences of the actions of others that have affected my life circumstances.

I deleted the comment and blocked the person from leaving comments, but he still sent an email that was not very kind. Or true. In any way.

They are lies, and even though I recognize them as such, still sting. I rarely have an emotional response to “hate mail” after ten years of doing this, but when you say that our baby died because of these things, well, it really really sucks. (That’s the most appropriate word I feel as if I can or want to use, but there are other words that come to mind in my human nature).

I know that (sadly) in my experience, the closer to a book launch I get, the more haters come out. They spew lies, ridiculous lies, and yet with that knowledge, to not be hurt by them would be to not be human.

It is resistance in its purest form.

Thanks for letting me share this with you guys.

My heart could use some prayers.

And I know I need to pray for those who hurt me, and let it go. (So, in the chance that the person who sent those hurtful and untrue comments and emails into the anonymity of the Internet, I am praying for you, and forgiving you too, by God’s grace and God’s grace alone).

Much love,
Anne

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive, off-topic, hateful or rude. Let's be grown ups here!

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12 thoughts on “To Not Hurt is To Not Be Human

  1. Anne, I’m praying for you! No one has the right to say something that cruel. Only God knows the reason but your precious baby is happy playing at the feet of Jesus.

  2. Thank you for being so vulnerable. I am praying for God to wrap His arms around you. Your past has brought so many to truth, healing, and the feet of God. He has used your past to help others & as you know there is no condemnation, He doesn’t even remember it. May you feel His comfort & healing for all the recent wounds in your life. We love you Anne!

  3. I pray that Jesus will continue to comfort and strengthen you and give you the wisdom to know when to ignore the hurtful, ignorant verbal grenades people launch into your email inbox or blog comments or especially in person and when to listen and take refuge in Him and the loving people in your life.

    It seems you are having a really rough year. I am praying for you and trusting that God will redeem your sorrow and pain and cause it to bear sweet nourishing fruit. I value your willingness and ability to be strong in the Lord and his truth and vulnerable and authentic in sharing your struggles and how you are handling those.

  4. Count the 4 of us as part of your “army,” Anne. We pray for you daily. And we understand, at least in good part. My wife, Yvonne, lost a baby at 3 months, and we all saw how much and how long that affected her. (It didn’t miscarry, either; just died within her, and she herself almost died during the surgery plus 3 times later that day – all from a reaction to a preop shot.). We saw her hurt, we understand a lot, we care, and we will continue praying for you daily. God will be in charge.

  5. My mother had 2 miscarriages, one before me, and one after. I remember talking to her one day as an adult and finding this out, and her telling me about a dream she had. She was in a green field, and on one side was a wall of fog. Out of the fog came 2 large hands,cupped, and as they reached her they opened up and the baby she had lost was inside. No words were spoken, but the message was clear. The child was with God and He was caring for her and she was beautiful and healthy. I hope this story encourages you.

  6. Anne,
    As I learned a few years ago when I pastored a church, the more we are in the sweet spot of ministry God has created us for the more Satan throws at us. Sometimes from others. Sometime inside us. Sometimes both.
    So I pray you recognize this for what it truly is, spiritual warfare. Light vs darkness. And I pray you stay strong because this means God is using you to make a difference for his kingdom.
    I am praying he will keep you safe and fruitful.
    Blessings

  7. Our gracious God could if he wanted to wipe us all from the earth because of our mistakes. But our saviour Jesus is before that father, interceding for us. Yes at our worst Jesus is praying for us even though sometimes we cant pray for ourselves. God is far more interested in crafting us into the image of his son that punishing us. Know that God is for you not against you. And I pray that God will as he has promised for us his children to bring good out of bad. Love and prayers!

  8. Anne,
    I honestly am having trouble finding words to describe how awful that person’s words are. Please remember that you are loved by God and painful things happen to all of us… even Jesus, and I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t deserve the cross. I will be praying for you and I will also keep this person in my prayers because I know they need it as well.